Monday, February 06, 2006

Stuff I've learned while getting older

Origional blog from my myspace

At the age of 13, I didn't even want to contemplate the thought of being 30 years old. Now, it's right around the corner and just another day of the year. There are so many things I've learned in life so far. Here are but a few:

Don't stick your finger into a light socket. Now, this might be obvious to many of you. When I was 4 years old, this was not very obvious to me. I did it more than once.

Stick up for your family. This doesn't mean that you have to love them (of course, you really do). It just means that you can't let anyone else make fun of your brother or sister the same way you make fun of them!

Don't $hit on other people. Sometimes it is very tempting to just have a conversation with someone and vomit all over them about how Shitty everything is in your life or with them. Don't Shit on other people. If they are smart they will use you to wipe themselves off.

There is a difference between doing something that hurts someone knowing that it's going to hurt them and doing it just to hurt them. If you have some sick disturbance in your brain where you get off on hurting people just for the sake of hurting people, you will make a great case study in sociopathic behavior. You might just be able to make some money off of it if you play your cards right. See, even phuckheads have a place in life.

Don't sweat the small stuff. It's all small stuff. This is actually a book, so I need to give credit where credit is due. It's written by Richard Carlson Good book for all of you who think your first born was just murdered because someone cut you off on the way to work.

The world will keep on turning no matter what anyone does. Despite what some people think about themselves, the world turns on its own axis and orbits the sun. Nothing is going to stop the earth from doings her job for the next several billion years. And let's just face it... if something does stop the earth from doing what it's doing right now, we're all just f*d so don't worry about it.

If you meet a girl who keeps talking about how she doesn't understand why she keeps meeting assholes and guys that treat her like $hit and then you start dating her... Yes, this means that you are an asshole. See, the common denominator in all those asshole relationships is HER. She's an asshole magnet. This doesn't make her a bad person. This just means that she is attracted to AND attracts assholes. Therefore, if you start dating someone like this, it means that you are none other than an asshole. On the other hand, if she recognizes that there was something in the way she was being that was bringing forth the assholes, she will recognize it and remove assholes from her life. Statements along the lines of, "I just don’t understand why I keep meeting asshole. I don't think I can handle another one", never happen. And don't think you are the nice guy who is going to be her savior. She'll just wipe her ass with you and flush you down the toilet. She needs to fix her asshole problem by herself, not with you, Mr. Preparation-H.

Enjoy life! If you don't play to win, you are just a loser.

No comments: